That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
