I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
