My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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