just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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