theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
