The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
