Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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