It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
