College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
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