Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
