he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
