Pants 0. Shit 1.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
