Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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