38 yer olds are good kisserssss
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
