if you like me you must not know who I am
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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