If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
3 2 1 whiskey
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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