the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
