Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
