I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
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