I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
