I could have mohawked her pubes.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
third nipple confirmed
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
