guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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