I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Randomize
