I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
