Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
