I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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