literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
