I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
