either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
The best revenge is premature balding
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
