Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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