My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
And then he peed in my hair
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