Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
