I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
No I am not eating basil off your cock
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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