i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Randomize
