I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
