Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
