Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
