it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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