I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
