there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
