I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
