: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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