Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
