you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
