I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
