that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
