and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
