No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
