If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
