I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
