this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
