I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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