Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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