she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
