My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Randomize
