There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
