I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
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